I’ve written this post 50 times in my head and if I don’t get it out now, I might never get out of the loop playing over and over again within my own mind.
I am SO not where I wish I was today.
At the crux of it all is Husband’s job situation. We’re STILL waiting. Waiting…waiting…waiting some more.
I thought I was doing well until July this year – I really did hold it together for a year. You see, Hubby was invited to his 2nd round interview exactly one year prior. We were on vacation in St. Vincent and the Grenadines (that was the life) the first week of July 2012 and on the 5th of July we found out he was invited to 2nd rounds. Jumping for joy, we thought – “this is it – we’ll be real live adults in just a few months!”
Once his second rounds were done and he was deemed hired, his background check began. He is squeaky clean so at that point, we knew it was just a matter of time until he went for training. We moved out of our City apartment into a 7-month leased apartment in the Suburbs near my parents. The “plan” was for me to move in with my parents once Hubby went off to train, then we’d move to a new city.
Who knew the background check would take 5 months? Who knew the government would collapse on its own sword and throw us down on top of a few blunt knives staggered to penetrate over the next year?
We both ended up moving in with my parents this past April and it’s been great, but we have no life. We aren’t adults. As one of my mom’s closest friends put it, “you have to be the “adult” in your marital situation (in the traditional sense of patient breadwinner) and live in an environment where you are the child.”
She could not have summed it up better.
This is my life. My 2013. That happiness jar I started at the beginning of the year? I’m embarrassed by the lack of cute little puzzle pieces inside. It was created during a far more optimistic time. I used to be fairly consistently optimistic. Now I just feel like I’ll never not be a cynic. Reality for me right now is full of falling dominoes…how does one ever find optimism again?
I’m dredging through the mud on a day to day basis trying to maintain my sanity while performing admirably at my day job so that I might have an opportunity to report something GOOD in my life via a promotion in January. I, of course, question my efforts every day.
Hubby’s also working on some alternative opportunities with the military as this stall in his career is expected to last through 2014 (awesome). That said, he started the process in MAY. Optimism gone there too.
Just writing this all out makes me feel better already (kind of), because once I hit “publish,” I’ll be accountable to turn this stupid frown upside down and start filling that jar with puzzle pieces…or something.
I’m just not sure where to begin.